Before I Lose My Mind

Song Type: ,

Associated Artists: Heidi Blickenstaff, Amber Iman, Caitlin Kinnunen, Elena Shaddow, Jessica Vosk, Jessica Rush, Julia Murney

From Playbill’s Track-By-Track Breakdown Feature (03/27/20):


Originally this song was going to be a comic number for the three women in The Danger Year but then I performed it at The Lilly Awards Cabaret and that video took on a life of its own. I made a few lyric edits for this recording, which might reflect how much the world has changed since I wrote it in 2014. There used to be a lyric that said, “Gotta be the perfect debutante” and now it’s “Gotta be the perfect pioneer.” Given that I grew up in West Tennessee and now run a women’s equity nonprofit in NYC, I would say this song is more than a little bit autobiographical. There are three characters here: the ingenue (Caitlin Kinnunen), the wife (Heidi Blickenstaff), and the career woman (Amber Iman)—all are me, all are most women I know. Fun fact: There was another number in the show called “You Can’t Have It All” that was a modern-day response to Maltby & Shire’s “I Want It All,” and I wrote this song to replace it.

A Trio. Three Women.


It’s Monday morning
And here I go again.
I can’t remember the last time
I slept in.
The alarm clock rings.
I rub my eyes.
I’m already late
But that’s no surprise.
Oh, in my dreams I am the picture of control.
Then I wake up and out of bed I roll.

Gotta pick an outfit that looks great.
Gotta eat some food but not gain weight.
Gotta do my crunches and my squats.
Gotta give the puppy dog his shots.
Gotta see a chiropractor soon.
Got a birthday coming up in June.
Gotta pick up groceries for tonight.
Gotta keep the finish line in sight.

Gotta make a list of all the people I need to call today.
Got about a week until my roots take over and I’m completely gray.

Gotta eat my breakfast on the run.
Gotta make sure everything gets done
Before I lose my mind.
Before I lose my mind.

Gotta use the tweezers on my brow.
Never had to pluck them until now.
Gotta send an email to my dad.
Gotta buy a brand new mattress pad.
Gotta plan that trip to Terra Haute.
Gotta read that book my girlfriend wrote.
Gotta smile and tell her it was good.
Gotta lie the way a girlfriend shout.

Gotta sort through all the stacks of paper that pile up in the den.
Gotta tell my husband not to wear those pants with that awful shirt again.

Gotta get this package in the mail.
Gotta find a minute to exhale.
Before I lose my mind.
Before I lose my mind.

Oh, God, what I wouldn’t give to throw it all away!
Oh, God, even I am bored with me today!

Gotta start to pay my bills online.
Gotta put the treadmill on incline.
Wanna pour myself a glass of wine.
Wanna say that everything is fine.
Everything is fine.
Everything is fine.
Everything is fine.
It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine.
It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s all fine!

Can’t afford to overlook a thing.
Do you think my husband had a fling?

Gotta be alluring and demure.
Gotta be both youthful and mature.
Gotta keep the fires of romance lit.
Gotta rise above this stupid shit!

Gotta make sure no one thinks that I can’t handle it all in stride.
Gotta be the perfect pioneer. The perfect mom. The perfect bride.
Gotta start recycling all our trash.
Gotta keep a stash of petty cash.
For when I lose my mind.
For when I lose my mind.

Gotta call my broker before noon.
Wanna book a ticket to Cancun.
Gotta find a decent-fitting bra.
Wanna spend a weekend at a spa.
Gotta keep abreast of local news.
Wanna buy a pair of Jimmy Choos.
Gotta find a cause and take a stand!
Wanna get back to the life I planned…
The life I planned…
Before I lose my mind!
I’m gonna lose my mind.