Collaborator: Lisa Diana Shapiro (lyrics)
Lyrics:
WHY ISN’T LIFE LIKE THE MOVIES?
WHERE IS THE MYSTERY, THE CLUE?
I’D BE THE DETECTIVE
IF I COULD BE SOMEBODY NEW.
BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, I’M ALWAYS TO BLAME.
IF YOU NEED A SCAPEGOAT, SAMANTHA’S FAIR GAME.
AND NOBODY LIKES ME;
I’M NOT GONNA CRY.
I AM PRIVATE, I.